Strong Men, Strong Women

I’m a female.

I’m also a preacher, a pastor, and the leader of the church my husband and I founded.

Years ago I sat on the grass at my Christian University, with a friend (male) at the time. We talked about women in ministry, the structure, the debate around it, the hermeneutics of it. My heart then was the same it was now. I believed that women were strong, and were a completely necessary part of the kingdom coming to earth. The completeness of the image of God was found in male & female, as God had said. But, I stated plainly “there can’t be strong women without strong men.”

Fast forward to coffee this morning with a friend, a pastor and leader at another church nearby (female), leading their church alongside her husband. We talked about females in leadership, females from the pulpit, females owning their part in building the kingdom.

The conversation from the lawn all those years ago entered my head: what I believed then, I believe now.

We need strong women. But my goodness do we need strong men.

You see, my stance with females in leadership is interesting, because I don’t really fall in line at all with modern-day feminism. I don’t agree with agendas that push females ahead of men. I have never been attracted to ministry to “prove to the guys I can do it”. I don’t appreciate rhetoric within Christianity that seems to want to push men aside, and because of this I have found there aren’t many books out there about female leadership I agree with, there aren’t many sources (besides the Bible) that I can find that think the way my heart does.

The call for me was simply that - Jesus spoke plainly and clearly to my heart years ago that I was to teach and raise an army of believers.

Never once, though, did I assume that me being strong in my call meant men being weak in theirs.

If anything, I believe that men have an important, irreplaceable, vital, brilliant and DIRELY needed role within the kingdom. Their leadership in strength and grace is so important I don’t even know that I have words to describe it here. Their role as pastors, leaders, fathers, businessmen, soldiers, police officers, MEN. GOOD MEN. The world would not know the light without them.

I listen to Podcasts like the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, and hear an attempt to empower men, but where women are sidelined, and I think, “how horrific”. But then I see blogs or tweets about female empowerment, where there is a dismissiveness towards men and I think the same, “what a loss”. The term “toxic masculinity” has become a fad, and I wonder, do men think they are toxic simply by being themselves? I certainly hope not. While there are men (and women) within the church and in leadership around the world that are vapid, angry, intolerant and proud - the call to men (and women) is to be yourselves in Christ - and by god, don’t be ashamed of your strength.

Our churches fight about complementarian, or egalitarian. And I think to myself, what on earth are we doing? Can we not just read Ephesians 5 and walk in the Spirit? Churches divide over women getting to teach, but seem fine when they are running their Sunday school week in and week out and I think, we are blind, Lord help us. Because we are MOST like Christ when we are in tandem. Which is why the marriage unit is the reflection of Him to the world - together we are better. Together we are strong. We are at our best when we are sprinting towards the cross together. We are at our worst when we try to use the other as a ladder to get ahead.

God hates this war between us you know. I believe that with all my heart.

My favorite thing about leading One City Church has been doing it with Jon. It has come with hard fought battles, where Jon and I find our way as a man and woman, a husband and wife, as pastors and friends. But my goodness it has been rich too. I have realized after a year of doing this - that I am at my best when he is at his best. I am strongest when he is the most steady. He is bravest when I am the most championing.

He has made us to be warriors, co-creators, laborers in his vineyard. TOGETHER. BETTER. STRONGER. Where there are no strong men there is lack of safety, there is lack of fatherhood, there is lack of love. Where there are no strong women there is lack of compassion, lack of motherhood, lack of hope. My goodness don’t you see? We need both to thrive.

Perhaps the gender crisis today is simply a response to us trying to crush the opposite sex. Who wants to be a man if your strength is shamed? Who wants to be a woman if you’re not allowed in the room?

My reading of the gospels and of 1 Timothy is clear (I’d gladly debate anyone, anytime) - women have a role in the church and in the kingdom. And while I believe that we are called to be mothers and wives, we are ALSO called to be leaders, apostles, gospel-bearers & saints.

But what’s the point of having strong women if we don’t also champion men? I am grateful God has now given me both little ladies (Brooklyn, 7 and Georgia, 5) to raise, as well as a little man (Houston, 1). I realize that their struggles will be different, their giants very real, and they will need their mom, their dad, and strong men and women around them to show them the way in how to lead in the kingdom in their time. I want my daughters to be brilliant and brave. I want my son to be strong and steady, an ox for the kingdom and for his family.

And I will mama bear anyone who tries to shame that strength.

Because it’s so needed - don’t you see?

The gospel REQUIRES strong men. Strong women. When I say strong I don’t mean worldly strength, or power hungry. I mean what God does: strong. “Be strong and courageous”. Called by God. Called to their individual tasks in the kingdom. This may be motherhood, business, teaching, art. But whatever it is, BELOVED IT IS NOT WEAK. It is kind, it is meek perhaps, but it is a reflection of the Imago Dei, and it is VITAL for our churches and our homes, our nation and our children future.

If you are a man today I hope you know how much you mean to Christ. I hope you know how important your voice is. How dear your thoughts. Your strength in Christ is needed. Your fatherhood is the way ahead. I’m praying you feel raised and championed by the church and those around you. If not - FIND A NEW CIRCLE. To the women today - I hope the same: That you feel strong, championed. Loved and valued. That there is a seat for you at the table.

For both sexes: may you champion the other with everything, and know that their strength builds your own.

<3 Jessie