Seasons of Sadness
At One City Church this month we are in a mental health series. We are only one week in, but already the feedback and conversations around this topic have been thick, important, needed.
Anxiety, depression or “mental darkness” as we have been talking about it in this series is prevalent; our generation’s real pandemic is mental illness. With each generation that is born, it seems to increase. How can this be so?
And yet, sadness has always been with us.
Early writings show immense mental darkness. In the Bible itself I found countless characters that were teeming with mental darkness: depression, anxiety, toxic thoughts, worthlessness, suicidal tendencies, stress, worry, fear and malaise. Perhaps it was as common then as it is now. Maybe it simply hasn’t been normalized.
In my own life I have experienced deep sadness. Just two weeks ago our favorite and most precious neighbors announced they were moving. I was sad that whole afternoon. I am sad still. One week ago my son was hospitalized. The anxiety and overwhelmed emption of it all was real, and for 7 straight days I felt underwater. Like survival, keeping him alive, and feeding my kids was about all I was capable of.
Three years ago I left my job of 11 years, and my church of 15 years. The fall out emotionally from that was profound. Although I don’t want to use the word “trauma”, I had suffered very real spiritual, emotional and relational damage. I woke up every day feeling as though I was hit by a car, my body responding to the stress with overwhelming “help!”. I had a month where I was on my face nightly before God. I saw a counselor for almost a year.
In prayer I would cry out in anguish. When I would get a text from people that had hurt me my anxiety would heighten to the point I couldn’t breath. I had never known the word “triggered” until that season. I now understand that a momentary encounter with someone, or a memory popping up can send you right back to the moment you felt the full weight of the damage. The sadness… is very real.
The mental wreckage I experienced was healed two ways: one - with counseling. Addressing things within myself that were dark, and then addressing darkness that was wrought upon me. But secondly it came in a season of deep prayer. If you would have said - “in one year you will experience the most overwhelming of anxieties only to be met with the fullest of joy and deepest of peace” I would not have believed you. And yet, that’s exactly what it was.
And here is where I know my lesson from sadness. Deep darkness will happen in life. But in Christ, the light is here, and the darkness cannot, will not overcome it.
Moreover, sadness is more normal than we know:
David would cry out in torture over his sadness and anxiety.
Martha would lash out in anxiety and frustration.
Jeremiah was overwhelmed with the state of his society, and was depressed whilst in ministry.
Saul had rage.
Paul felt deep emotional blows.
Peter would oscillate between courage and deep depravity of his mind.
Mary was plagued by demons.
Job cried.
Part of our issue with darkness in our day is perhaps we have made it ABNOMRAL to experience darkness. And so now we are not only sad, we feel alone. Our darkness becomes pervasive because we feel isolated. The devil whispers “no one suffers like YOU, you’re completely alone in this.” You emotions heighten because not only are you anxious, you are also a misfit. A weirdo.
But the scriptures, and our cloud of witnesses affirm us: your sadness is real, but it is also not novel. You are not alone.
You are not alone as you mourn your mother. You are not alone as you face down anxiety. You are not alone as you feel the cave of depression.
Be comforted today. While the darkness is real, so are the saints that have faced it down before us. And while the tomb is deep, so is the God who raised from it.